Cold Determination Page 5

  Before we even opened that kitchen door, we could smell something amazing. Rosa didn’t run away either. I had to push her back out and remind her she wasn’t allowed. The kitchen was busier than normal. Miss Vicki was helping Mama and both women were smiling. Miss Kate brought us a tray and Mama joined us. Then, to our surprise, Miss Kate joined us and soon after, so did Miss Vicki.

  There was so much extra food that night—a roast, potatoes, and a thick soup filled us up. Miss Kate warmed our milk, and Miss Vicki brought us each a small piece of pie. Peter filled his cheeks and gulped down most of our milk, but I didn’t mind. It was the best food I ever ate. The five of us laughed and ate, taking a little longer than normal to finish our dinner. Mama’s eyes didn’t look tired and she was smiling her old way with her mouth stretched wide over her teeth and eyes crinkled up. As she turned to take our tray away, she hurried Peter and me up to ready for Church. Peter stopped smiling at those words but that only made me laugh.

  Miss Vicki followed us, “Wash your face and your necks. Tuck in your shirts and fold your socks.” She had a long list of how to make us church presentable. It took me a long while to do all she told us. Peter hurried through but was sent back to do better. Mama finally came up and combed our hair down just right and put on her new shawl. The three of us left our room together. Mr. Joclav was blocking our way.

  Peter refused to look away but I dropped my gaze. Mama put us behind her and made her way slowly but surely down the hall. I could feel her begin to shake as we grew close.

  “Looking good, Kat. Your face is not so embarrassing anymore.” The man had no respect for anyone or anything. Mama didn’t answer, just moved around him, and hurried us to the stairs. Thankfully, he stayed in the hall just watching us go.

  Miss Florence and Miss Vicki joined us, and we all marched through the extremely crowded restaurant and out the front door. A line had formed for those waiting to eat that night. I had never seen it so busy! Even with Mr. Joclav lurking around our building, I was excited and we soon forgot our troubles as we hurried by the line of men. I looked at them as we walked by, Rosa rushing between us.

  They were mostly young with bright eyes talking about Christmas in their homelands. One man looked vaguely familiar and he smiled warmly at Mama as we passed by but she was too busy with us to take much of a notice. I suspected many men smiled at our beautiful Mama, she was too used to such attention and learned to ignore it. Peter noticed though and glared at the young man.

  We reached the church which was busier than ever and as we hurried in, Mama reminded us to keep it quiet. We were learning about the baby Jesus again and how he changed the world.

  I liked the story and I even liked the songs this year but I didn’t pay too much attention. I was wondering how a small baby had managed to change the world. Our baby was gone, forgotten by all but us three. She changed our lives but no one else’s and now, she was out in some field with no visitors. I saw Mama wipe a tear from her cheek and knew she was remembering our little potato too. Peter held onto Mama’s hand and we all listened to the rest of the service, kneeling when Mama did and crossing ourselves as Miss Florence and Miss Vicki did. Finally, it was over.

  The night was clear and cold. There was no line in front of our restaurant but it was full of everyone. We could hear them as we drew near. People were laughing and singing old songs with terrible off-key voices. Mama led us to the back. Rosa left us after I patted her and wished her a good night. She wound herself past us and to her warm home away from us.

  “You stay put,” Miss Florence ordered once we were in. “I have a treat for ya and I don’t want to up just yet.” She hurried across the kitchen, excited to retrieve the surprise. Miss Vicki followed her.

  Mama sat down heavily, finally looking tired but happy. Peter joined her on her left and I on the right and the three of us held onto each other for just a little while. It felt as if the world was made of just us even as the noise from the restaurant seemed to shake the entire building. Mama hummed a Christmas song.

  Miss Vicki brought Mama a small glass with amber liquid. Mama held it, waiting for Miss Florence. She finally returned with two cups, steaming and foamy. “For you, boys; bottoms up!” she proclaimed.

  I tilted mine back, gasping at the warmth. It was the best thing I ever tasted. It was creamy and sweet, “Hot chocolate! Ya ever had it?” Miss Florence asked. Mama shook her head no. Peter drank deeply, almost inhaling his. I let Mama have a taste. Our little party lasted only a little longer and then we headed off to bed.

  We had always celebrated Christmas, but Peter and I never had new clothes nor asked for any presents. Mama always made us a good, thick soup with warm bread but most of our happiness came from just being together. Tonight had been different. It was nice but a little sad. I thought of how much Papa and Rosie would have liked that hot chocolate. I missed our papa’s hugs. I think Peter noticed I was down because he chose that moment to whisper, “Jurak, I hid the present in the suitcase. Get it; we can give it to her tonight.”

  I scrambled down and got the suitcase. Mama watched, curious. For a second, I was afraid it was gone, I couldn’t see it nor feel it when I first opened the bottom. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I found it, quickly closing my hand around it. I didn’t want Mama to see just yet. I put the case away and stood up. Peter stood by me.

  “We have a little gift for you, Mama. We want you to have a nice Christmas tomorrow.” Peter was a bit solemn but I was taking this seriously as well. I reached my hand towards Mama. She held her hand, soft under mine, and waited. I dropped the small pin into it. She gasped.

  “A beautiful angel! Dziękuję Ci, my sweet boys, thank you.” A tear started in her eye.

  Peter passed out the peppermint treats we had bought earlier and the three of us savored them together. Outside our window, the sky had turned pink and snow had started to fall. Mama wished us both a Happy Christmas and the three of us fell asleep.

  The next day, Peter and I woke later than normal. Mama was already out, working in the kitchen, just like any day. As we dressed, Peter asked, “Jurak, what is that?” There was a sock, hanging on the post of the bed. It looked funny, all stretched and sagging. I had no idea what it was. Peter untied it and brought it to the bed.

  “Jurak, look! Marbles and candy!” Peter was very excited. He poured the contents onto the bed so I could see too. There were four pieces of candy: two strawberry and two root beer, our favorites. There were marbles too.

  “Presents!” Peter was as excited as anything. He pocketed half the treasure and told me to take the rest. We ran to the kitchen to show our mother.

  We were too excited to watch where we were going and just at the bottom of the stairs was Mr. Joclav. I didn’t drop my gaze, mimicking my older brother. We slowed down but didn’t say anything. I could feel his stare on my back as we made our way, silent now, to the kitchen. As soon as we entered the kitchen, we forgot him.

  Peter ran to our mother, showing her what we had found. I followed and showed her mine, the exact replica of what my brother already showed her. She laughed and pulled us close, kissing the tops of our heads. Miss Florence was smiling from across the kitchen.

  Breakfast was good, the best we ever had. Mama called it “strudel.” The warm pastry was sugary and soft and filled with hot apples. As usual, our milk washed it down filling up our normally empty stomachs. We were allowed to stay in the kitchen that day. The snow was so deep it had blocked the backdoor to the kitchen. Mama didn’t hush us all day, and Miss Florence made us more hot chocolate. Peter and I played with our new marbles and talked with our mother all day. I noticed she wore her new pin on her shirt collar. I was very proud when she showed it to Miss Vicki.

  We got an early lunch that day; there was the biggest bird I had ever seen, roasted brown. There were potatoes and bread. There was more pie and even more milk. Peter ate and ate. I think he ate all day. I had at least two helpings of everything. Afterwards, we laid out in front of the bac
k entrance. Peter groaned and told me he ate too much. I had never known there was such a thing.

  It must have been four o’clock when I remembered Rosa. Here it was Christmas, and I had forgotten her. Peter stole some of that roasted brown bird and we made our way to the front of our building. I hoped Rosa would be easy to find.

  We were wearing our new coats and new shoes. My feet hurt before we even reached the door, but Mama had already given my old shoes to Miss Vicki so I resolved to just get used to the pain. The restaurant was busy as ever, and we waved to our mother. She was busy taking dishes to the back and just smiled at us, her arms full.

  The street was busy, even with the cold and snow, and, at first, we couldn’t find Rosa. We walked towards the back and called her name. I think she was sleeping somewhere warm because it sure took a while for her to come out. Peter took the bird from his pocket when she got there, and we sat on some overturned crates to feed her.

  I was so happy to have her. She was soft when the world was hard. She was grateful when others were not. She was never selfish or demanding. She was a good friend. She liked the bird and licked our hands until there was no more taste on them. Then, she darted back to her own warm home. Peter and I kicked at the snow covering the door until we could open it and went back into the warm kitchen. It had been a good Christmas.

  Another Loss

  After that great Christmas, the world turned bitterly cold. It was so unbearable, Peter even stopped leaving the school at noon. We trudged to school in the cold, then trudged home in the cold, our heads bent low in the wind. January was a bleak month.

  Peter and I were proud of how we looked in our new things. Our shoes were shiny and clean. Our coats were dark without frayed ends. There were no holes in our pockets. New clothes come with a downside though. My feet hurt, and I hated those shoes. They squeaked every time I took a step. My new coat was itchy, leaving my neck bright red. I never complained and especially not to Mama. That would have broken her heart.

  She was so happy when she saw Peter and me after school in the fine things she had bought for us. Every time she saw us in our new things, she smiled broadly. Then, she would pat our heads as if we were very small children and tell us how good we looked. One day, I noticed Peter limping up to our room after dinner but he never complained either. We just hugged Mama and whispered our thanks.

  I noticed that my teeth were no longer hurting and Peter stopped rubbing his cheek altogether. I thought it was because we stopped buying sweets, and Miss Kate no longer made our breakfast daily. Mama never did give us the extra sugar; she always warned it would rot our teeth. I didn’t think too much more about my teeth or sugar since the pain had subsided. I forgot all about both until I noticed Peter’s smile one day in mid-January.

  My feet had finally worn my new shoes quiet and soft. My neck was still itching, but my arms were warm. Peter took his shoes off one night and grinned at me from across the room.

  “My shoes are finally broken in, Jurak. They stopped hurting my feet!” He didn’t sound surprised, just relieved. He must have worn in shoes before. Mine had always been hand-me-downs. I was contemplating that when I noticed a wide gap in his mouth.

  His front tooth was gone. I went in for a closer look, “Peter, your tooth! It’s gone!” I was horrified. If Peter lost his teeth, how could he eat?

  “That is what happens to teeth, Jurak, don’t you remember Papa’s? He was missing a whole bunch! It means I am a man now.” I was very impressed at this news. I didn’t know Peter was a man. I thought he might be too short, but he was missing that tooth. He opened his mouth wide so I could look in. Peter was actually missing several teeth. I was awestruck. Here was my brother, a man.

  We crawled into bed and were quiet. I was wondering what this change meant for our family. Men worked and moved from their families. Would Peter move on? I wondered. I didn’t like that thought, so I pushed it far from my mind and tried to sleep. Peter didn’t seem worried at all. I could hear his deep breathing almost at once.

  A few weeks went by, and Peter stayed with us. I stopped worrying about him growing up and instead, focused on school. Miss Fink was a good teacher, and I was convinced she knew everything there was to know. She could spell, and read, and write, and add. She never made a mistake. I asked Miss Kate about her one day. I wanted to know how Miss Fink knew all she did.

  “Well, some kids grow up and they nevah have to work. They have two parents and grandparents who all take care of ’em. They get to go to school and then they can teach children. I always had to work, my ma died when we were little and then our pa died. I nevah went to school. I lived with my sister ’til I heard about San Francisco. That’s how I’m here. I’m on my way to San Francisco. I’m gunna live by the ocean,” Miss Kate had a way that explained a lot without answering without answering my questions.

  Peter and I kept going to school. I was very proud I could now read as well as Peter. Mama took the Sunday newspapers from the dining room each Sunday. All week, Peter and I would each read one article a night a loud. Mama would mend and listen, telling us over and over again how proud she was that we could read so well.

  Thankfully, February was not as bleak as January, and March was even better. I was sure I felt the Earth turn back towards the sun. The days were longer. The wind still howled, but it didn’t seem as cold. Peter even walked home without his hat on several occasions.

  It was so nice, we resolved to start our trapping line again. We missed the pennies and the candy. That first Friday, we set off early, and I swear I heard Miss Fink breathed a sigh of relief. Peter had taken to asking all sorts of questions, often arguing how, what, and why as Miss Fink explained the answers. I didn’t think she would miss us. We set our traps and walked back to town. It was still pretty chilly. We kept our hands stuffed deep into our pockets and bent our heads against the wind.

  Smith’s was full of shoppers, and Victoria didn’t see us as we walked by. Rosa was following us, unhappy she had no fish for her efforts. She left us before we even entered the backdoor. Peter opened the door, and we were surprised to see Miss Vicki. I wanted to get right into the warmth, but Miss Vicki ushered us along saying she needed help with carrying something.

  Peter and I had never helped her with carrying anything before, and I was sure I had never seen her do any amount of shopping. Peter told her we were cold and wanted to go inside. She stared us down for just a second or two, and of course, we relented. We had a soft spot for that lady, and she knew it.

  She led us back into the chilly wind, down the main street, then all the way down to Smith’s. She talked with Victoria and looked around until my stomach was really howling with hunger. Miss Vicki pretended not to notice and she ignored Peter’s many pointed glares. After at least an hour, we finally left and walked right back to our building; she never bought a thing. It was strange. Rosa was at the backdoor when we got back. Miss Vicki pushed her way in front of us and entered the kitchen door first. I immediately followed right on her footsteps but found my way blocked.

  Mr. Joclav stood in front of us, barring our entrance to the kitchen. Peter met his gaze, and I tried to be brave. He stretched his arms to either side of the doorframe, sneering down at us. Rosa stopped her purring. I was scared but didn’t know what to do. I was getting colder standing there in the dark and I was so hungry. We didn’t know what he wanted or why he was blocking us.

  Moving slowly, Mr. Joclav reached down and grabbed Rosa by her tail. She howled in anger and fear. I tried but failed to reach her. Peter actually jumped at Mr. Joclav, stretching his hands upwards to my Rosa, but he was too short too.

  “There’s enough pussy in this building,” we heard him mutter and he carried Rosa, still howling away from me. Mama heard the commotion and came running to the backdoor. I was too upset to explain, but Peter told her in clear detail. We could hear Rosa howling and Mama ran out to see what was happening. I heard a horrible sound right then; the sickening sound of bone smashing into brick, and R
osa immediately stopped yowling.

  Mama stopped running and stood silently covering her mouth with her hands in shocked disbelief. We heard Mr. Joclav throw my Rosa’s body over a fence. Then, he slowly lumbered his way back. He stopped in front of Mama and whispered, “You can keep them warm, but I own your happiness. As long as you work here, I own you.” He eyed her up and down, slowly taking in each part of her body.

  Mama ignored him and hurried back to us, ushering us through the door. She firmly shut it behind her, right on Mr. Joclav. We didn’t stop in the kitchen. We just hurried up to our room where Mama shut the door and locked it. I spilled out onto the bed sobbing, already missing my dear friend. Peter swore.

  “No! You will not talk like that, Peter. If you do, I will wash your mouth out. You will also leave Mr. Joclav alone. It is true he is vile and evil, but this room is all we have. Think: Where would we go? How would we eat?” Peter paced back and forth, glaring as Mama tried to comfort me.

  A soft knock came to our door a few minutes later. It was Miss Kate with our dinner tray.

  Mama helped me turn around, and Peter gave me my bowl of stew. I noticed Miss Kate gave us extra bread.

  “Kat, we need you in the kitchen.” Her voice was soft but Mama recognized it was not a request. She patted my knee and followed Miss Kate out.

  In between sobs, I ate as much soup as I could and tried to swallow the bread. I tasted nothing. I hardly noticed my stomach filling up with food. Peter didn’t speak. Rosa was gone, and there was nothing I could do, nothing Mama could do, nothing Peter could do.

  The next few days are a blur in my memory. The weather grew cold again as a late storm blew through. It seemed appropriate—my heart felt so cold, the weather may as well as match it. Monday morning, Peter and I walked to school. Friday, we checked our traps. We even went to our fishing hole and fished. My heart just wasn’t into it, and I missed Rosa.